Ansel, 5, and Silvan, 3, Zoom-bomb a meeting between mom June Gruber听and her lab coordinator.听Credit: June Gruber
June Gruber was readying her 3- and 5-year-old boys for pre-school on a Thursday in early March when she got a call parents across the country were also about to get:听
鈥淲e were told school was closing and they weren鈥檛 going to be able to come back,鈥� recalls Gruber, an assistant professor of psychology and neuroscience who specializes in the study of emotions. 鈥淭hey have literally stayed home since.鈥�
Days later, she and husband Raul Saucedo, an assistant professor of philosophy, were told to shelter in place indefinitely at their home in Boulder Canyon. Overnight, their hectic lives as working parents got even more complicated.
She鈥檚 not alone. About 55 million U.S. kids are now homebound and, according to the Pew Research center, both parents in about half of those households work full-time.
June Gruber with sons Ansel, 5, and Silvan, 3.
Gruber鈥檚 responsibilities running a lab and mentoring students have intensified, with a new study exploring how the pandemic is impacting college student mental health. All the while, she鈥檚 doubling as a homeschool preschool teacher. The days are long for her and her husband鈥搊ne takes the boys for a hike, while the other settles in for Zoom meetings in a make-shift office. One delivers an art class while the other does office hours over Zoom.
Not every mom is so lucky. Surveys show, even today, 64% of mothers say they do far more than their spouse or partner when it comes to kid duties. And some recent news reports suggest that while men in academia are publishing more than ever amid the pandemic, papers by women are growing more scarce.
鈥淧arenting in these times can be especially challenging for mothers,鈥� Gruber says, 鈥渆specially those juggling motherhood with abrupt role transitions while also balancing work obligations and their own emotional responses to the pandemic.鈥�
In honor of Mother鈥檚 Day, we caught up with Gruber to hear how she鈥檚 managing and get advice:
How are you keeping your kids busy?
It鈥檚 nonstop with two little guys. We are up at 5:30 a.m. for breakfast and start the day with long stretches of time outdoors, connecting with nature and moving their bodies. We鈥檙e building forts and throwing rocks in the creek. In the afternoon, we鈥檙e painting rocks and drawing pictures. We are so lucky to live in Colorado around all this beautiful nature right now. It鈥檚 virtually impossible to work with kids this age around who love to 鈥淶oom-bomb,鈥� so we usually pass the torch back and forth.听
What has been the hardest part?
Just the sheer exhaustion鈥攖rying to do a full-time job but suddenly having half the time to do it can feel like an impossible task. I think those of us with small children are all beginning to wonder how long we can sustain this pace. It鈥檚 not like you can call anyone to come by and help, because of physical distancing guidelines.
What has been the best part?
I have loved waking up and not having to be anywhere, taking our time in the morning to sometimes literally watch the sunrise with our children. When I am with the boys, there is no clock to look at, nothing to worry about or attend to. There is a sense of stillness鈥攖hat time is infinite. I am so thankful to have this time with them at this tender age.听
Ansel, 5, and Silvan, 3, playing.
How has the pandemic informed your research?
We are witnessing one of the most significant natural experiments in our lifetimes. If you remove social contact, how does that change people鈥檚 sense of mental wellbeing. We had already been overseeing a project looking at mental health among about 800 college freshman. I thought, 鈥淲hy don鈥檛 we pause and ask these very same students how the pandemic is changing things for them?鈥澨齅y lab rallied, and that study is now underway.听
I鈥檓 also working on a paper with over 30 clinical psychology professors and practitioners鈥攁 sort-of call to action. As we are flattening this physical health curve, the long-term mental health ramifications are just about a month behind. We need to start asking: How can we flatten the mental health curve, too?听
What advice do you have for working moms?
Think of intense emotions like a wave. It will feel intense. It will peak. But a wave doesn鈥檛 last forever. This will pass. Knowing that is important in this time that feels kind of endless. It鈥檚 also critical to stay involved in activities that bring pleasure and keep you moving. Even when you are feeling sheer exhaustion or anxiety, keep doing that morning walk. Keep utilizing Zoom or FaceTime to connect with friends. Just because you are physically distanced doesn鈥檛 mean you have to be socially disconnected.听
Any other tips?
Remember that emotional diversity is a really natural and important part of being human. It is not only acceptable to feel sad and frustrated and exhausted right now, it is perfectly appropriate.听These emotions serve a purpose of keeping you in touch with the unusual world we are living in. Don鈥檛 feel pressured to be happy all the time.
